Stay at Home Mom

As I sat next to Jay's crib tonight humming lullaby's to sooth my sweet, jet-lagged, terrified of his room child a few things ran through my mind. First a quote by Elder Neal A. Maxwell from an article entitled Women of God published in the Ensign in 1979. He said to women...

"Women, more quickly than others, will understand the possible dangers when the word self is militantly placed before other words like fulfillment.You rock a sobbing child without wondering if today’s world is passing you by, because you know you hold tomorrow tightly in your arms.
So often our sisters comfort others when their own needs are greater than those being comforted. That quality is like the generosity of Jesus on the cross. Empathy during agony is a portion of divinity!
I thank the Father that His Only Begotten Son did not say in defiant protest at Calvary, “My body is my own!” I stand in admiration of women today who resist the fashion of abortion, by refusing to make the sacred womb a tomb!
When the real history of mankind is fully disclosed, will it feature the echoes of gunfire or the shaping sound of lullabies? The great armistices made by military men or the peacemaking of women in homes and in neighborhoods? Will what happened in cradles and kitchens prove to be more controlling than what happened in congresses? When the surf of the centuries has made the great pyramids so much sand, the everlasting family will still be standing, because it is a celestial institution, formed outside telestial time. The women of God know this.
No wonder the men of God support and sustain you sisters in your unique roles, for the act of deserting home in order to shape society is like thoughtlessly removing crucial fingers from an imperiled dike in order to teach people to swim."

I often think of this powerful talk when I'm up late with Jay. As I sat with him tonight I also recalled a conversation I recently had with my brother when he asked me if I was happy staying at home with Jay. Do I feel fulfilled? I answered him honestly that I do, though I know there are many women who don't feel satisfied staying at home. I'm not writing this to debate the right or wrong of staying at home but here are my thoughts on my life personally. My brother was happy for me knowing that my happiness was assured and for that I am grateful. He has always looked out for me and wants the very best for me. But it made me think. Why is it that I am fulfilled? Why do I feel happy doing mundane tasks day in and day out? Why do I love my job even though I am sometimes bored and rarely physically or monetarily compensated? I have often thought that I do what I do because I am shaping Jay for something greater than I am. Something he can achieve in this world because of my support. That never seemed to make complete sense to me though. If I am preparing him to make a difference why not just go make a difference myself today? Why does Elder Maxwell emphasize the fact that the "shaping sound of lullabies" will ultimately make more difference than the "echoes of gunfire?" Tonight it finally sunk in, although it may be obvious to most and somewhere inside me I knew all along. Jay may make a difference in this world because of my being here with him at this crucial time of his life. But if he doesn't become the next Nobel Peace Prize winner or anything more than a hard working husband and a great father I'm okay with that. What I'm shaping him for is the eternities. What's the point of this life really? I believe it is to learn important truths and make correct decisions so that we can live eternally with our Heavenly Father, our Savior Jesus Christ and our families. I know I'm not the perfect mom. I know I can't ensure that Jay makes it back to Heavenly Father. I know I won't always teach him the best way to live. But the best way I personally know how to help him achieve what I consider to be the most important thing in this life is to be at home with him. Home where I can teach him. Home where I can try to be an example to him. Home where I can build a relationship of trust with him so that he will turn to me in times of crucial decisions. Is there anywhere else in this world I can be, anything else I can do that would help my own son to fulfill my deepest desire for him? No. There is not. Perhaps trading my stay-at-home-mom status for making a difference in the world in another way would not effect the outcome of his eternal salvation; but in my mind if there is a chance that it would, than there is no choice at all. I choose to be at home with my son. I can see why women who do not believe the same as I do may not see staying at home a worthy endeavor. Yes, your children will likely still be successful if you are a good parent that works. Yes, your children will likely be well rounded if you are a good parent that works. Yes, your children will likely be happy if you are a good parent that works. But the thought that my child will still likely have eternal salvation if I am a good parent that works... well, that's different for me. I know that staying at home in no way ensures that my child will choose the right, stay on the strait and narrow, or endure to the end but for me, me personally, I know that I have to do the most I possibly can do to help him achieve these things. For me, me personally, this means staying at home. It means being with him as much as possible during these impressionable years so that I can teach him, be an example to him, build a relationship of trust with him and do all that I can to help him on his way back to God. I am grateful to know that I as a woman staying at home with my son can make such a powerful difference in the world. I know that this is what my Heavenly Father would have me do. I am grateful for the sweet whisperings of the spirit late at night as I sooth my child to sleep. I know that my Heavenly Father loves me. I know that he lives. I know that Jesus Christ is my Savior. I know the Gospel of Jesus Christ is on the earth today and for these things I am eternally grateful, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.